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And If You Think It’s All Sunshine and Butterflies…

Copyright © 2015 Stephen Hawley, all rights reserved.

How to tell you have a tween in the house:

Alice turns on all the lights in the kitchen and dining room.
Me: Alice, would you please turn out the lights in the kitchen? There’s nobody in there and it saves money.
Alice: No.
Me: Alice, there’s nobody in the kitchen. Please turn out the lights, it saves money.
Alice: No.
Me: Alice, since there’s nobody in the kitchen, don’t you think it would be a good idea to turn the lights out?
Alice: Fine.

Alice: Butthead.

Timeoutularity ensues.

Later, Alice tries to get me to do an in-app purchase on her iPad.
Alice: Daddy, sign here.
Me: What is it?
Alice: Daddy, sign here.
Me: Nice try, Alice.

Alice fires up the music app, which can’t be locked out, right in front of me.
Me: Alice, please give me your iPad. You have an iPad time out.
Alice: NO!
Me: Alice, were you using the music app?
Alice: No.

Alice: Yes.
Me: Ok, that’s an iPad time out. If you behave nicely, then you’ll get it back sooner. If you behave not nicely, then it will take longer.

Alice: Fine. I tell mommy about that. Mommy said, “never, ever do that again!”

E comes down stairs in perfect timing.

Me: E – did you say that Alice should never, ever get an iPad time out?

E: No.

Drama ensues, followed by timeoutularity.

Alice is now up in her room yelling at me that she’s going to call the police and, “you’re in trouble¬†mister“.

On another note, I’ve also trained her to respond to “Alice, drama?” with “Is this a dagger I see before me?

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