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Having a Child with Down Syndrome, Part CXLII: When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Weird

A Quick Joke

Q. What do you get when you cross a Mafioso with a Dadaist?

A. Someone who makes you an offer you can’t possibly understand.


Alice perseverates on things more than we’d like, and quite honestly it gets draining. One particular thing is that if I go somewhere with her, one of her first questions in the car after I explain what we’re doing is “and come back?” And it’s not enough to pretend like the question was never asked because she will persist until you respond in some way. “Of course we’re coming back later.” Doesn’t work. “What do you think?” Nope. Raised eyebrow with a smirk? Nope. The question just keeps coming.

A few months ago, I just decided to get weird on her. “And come back?” “Nope! We’re going to Wyoming to punch some cows.” This completely derailed her. “Why?” “They know what they did.”

Today was another day like that. I took her bowling, which was a good way to kill an hour. And like clockwork, “And come back?” “No, Alice. Never. We’re going to Norfolk to launch submarines. They need to take care of the aardvark situation in the ocean. The aardvarks swim up pull you down and eat off your arms!” “Yuck!” “They’re the terrors of the deep!” “What about sharks?” “Who said anything about sharks? Aardvarks will pull down an entire boat just to eat the arms off of the people on board. That’s why we need submarines.” “But sharks?” “No! I never said anything about sharks. They leave the aardvarks alone and the aardvarks leave the sharks alone.”

After bowling, Alice asked if we were going to Norway. “No Alice, Norfolk. Aardarks don’t live in the oceans in Norway. They’re in Norfolk.” I explained again. Now she was excited to do. “And mommy and Stuart?” “No, we need to launch the submarines.”

&c.

And now you know why I don’t like swimming in ocean. Damn aardvarks.