OK, let me get the political correctness out of the way here with a few questions and answers.

Q. Did you go as Jesus?
A. No. I went as a 10th century European image of the crucifixion of Jesus. If you don't understand the difference, go somewhere else. Everything else here won't make sense to you and will just waste your time.

Q. Are you making fun of the central figure of the Christian religion?
A. No. I'm making fun of the belief that the central figure of the Christian religion looked like a pasty skinned, long-haired man. Let's face it, all the canon came from the Middle East and I do not look Middle Eastern in the least. It's the artists who made this botch nine centuries ago, most likely for political/power reasons.

Q. Why 10th century?
A. The image of Jesus changed over the years. Initially he wasn't even shown crucified. That was considered blasphemous. Somebody caught on that it didn't make sense to not show Jesus on the cross (why is it blasphemous to depict what is in the New Testament, a holy book?), and in the 9th century, Jesus was shown crucified, but he was always shown looking intense and powerful, not in pain, a reasonable concession. In the 10th century, he was shown in pain, but with four nails, one for each limb. It was only later that he was shown with three (one per hand, one for both feet).

Q. How come the nails go through his hands - there's no way hands could support the weight?
A. John took some artistic liscense here. If crucifixion was done with nails, they were driven through the wrist between the ulna and radius bones, which will support the weight.

Q. How come the wound from the spear is on your right side?
A. Dunno - I looked for this in a lot of texts and found no explanation. There is no description in the New Testament as to where the wound was, however, every painting I saw spanning 12 centuries had the wound in Jesus right side. Do you know why? Tell me.

Q. You researched this a lot, didn't you?
A. Yes, I did. I know that this would raise hackles. It helps to be prepared with facts when you cross the line.

Q. How do dress up as a 10th century blah blah blah?
A. Funny you should ask...

Head shot. Grow your beard for three months. Grow your hair for 4 years. Make a crown from grape vines from a garden store. Glue on an acrylic halo. Use makeup to give your eyes that sunken look, and try to make your cheeks look hollow. Try not to smile too much.

Cast nails in plastic (Tap plastics supplied the resin and catalyst), paint flat black, and mount in wounds cast in latex and applied with spirit gum. Apply a tasteful amount of stage blood (zesty mint flavor).

Make nail heads for your feet and similar wounds.

Forge a company ID badge to read "Jesus H. Christ" instead of your name. Use for two months after Hallowe'en without anyone noticing.


Oh, and don't forget the muslin loincloth. You wouldn't want to offend anyone, would you?